My Dog Pablo: The Freeloading Genius

Pet Insurance: A Tale of Two Pets

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Let me introduce you to our family pet, my ten-year-old dachshund, Pablo.  I want to preface this by saying that I love the little guy.  He has been my pet for ten years now…through ups and downs…through thick and thin.  He has moved with me through several relationships and living situations until I finally met and married Greg.   Through everything, Pablo has always been by my side.

Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure I know of another place he would rather be.  Why?  Because he loves my mom more than he loves me.  He always has, and he always will…and I’m 100% sure that he would jet if he ever had the opportunity.  I’ve made my peace with it. Still, it doesn’t seem fair since I’m the one that buys his food and pays his vet bills.  Yet, that isn’t what this story is about.  I’m writing to let everyone know that I think my dog may secretly be some sort of evil genius!

Pablo: The Genius

You see, Pablo has fashioned a lifestyle that requires him to do absolutely nothing.  He has been living here rent free and chore free for ten years now, and I’m pretty sure he prides himself in his lack of contribution.  Let me explain.

A regular day starts with Pablo getting up at about 8:00 a.m.  He walks to the door and cries until I let him out.  Once he finishes his business, he comes in and continues his life of leisure.   As we shower and get ready for work, Pablo naps off and on.  He will occasionally get up for a drink of water.  Sometimes, he will walk into the room long enough to shoot an indifferent stare.  We get the kids ready for daycare, and we leave Pablo alone for the day.

I’m not really sure what he does from 9-5, but when we get home he acts completely exhausted.  As I make dinner, he usually steals the kids snacks and makes them cry.  He occasionally gets scolded for this, but he has decided that any punishment he receives is worth it.

As the evening progresses, we give the kids baths.  Pablo watches.  I do a few loads of laundry.  Pablo snoozes on the couch.  I empty the dishwasher.  Pablo chews on his ass for a half hour.  Then at some point in the evening, Pablo decides that he’s had enough and goes to bed.

We used to be able to count on him to lick up our crumbs from the floor at least. However, over the past few years he has gone almost blind, so he can’t even see half of them anymore. I’m sure you are saying, “Poor Pablo.” I would have agreed with you, that is until I saw this…

My dog Pablo is an evil freeloading genius. He lives the life of leisure that so many of us crave. Should I be jealous or just try to emulate him?His Selfish Ways

Earlier this year, we had to put Pablo’s best friend Hammie to sleep because of his health problems.  I thought that Pablo would surely be devastated – unable to eat, think, or sleep.  However, we quickly found out that Hammie’s death made Pablo happier than he’s ever been.  He quickly found out that he no longer has to compete for food or share attention.  His best friend had died and he did nothing except see opportunities.

I sit in awe of him, wondering how he does it. I’m trying my best to get the most out of life with the least amount of effort. So far, I’ve failed miserably in my attempt to emulate this true master of the dole.  I often wish that I could change places with him and just say “F&$K IT” and go back to bed.   I wonder what it would be like to never have to worry about responsibilities, work, or bills.  Yes, Pablo is living the life… out his golden years in a dream scenario of rest and relaxation. I keep reminding myself that someday, I will be able to do that too.

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  1. I’ve been spending a considerable amount of time trying to convince my cats to get a job. I believe that they are smart enough, just not motivated. They’ve turned freeloading into an art. Plus they charm all my guests, so when I try to explain how they’re not pulling their weight, all I get is “But they’re sooooo cute!”

  2. Haha, too true. I’ve always thought I’d love to live like Kitty PoP – having all of my minimal needs met without a thought and the freedom to do things when I want to. He’ll sleep for 16 or more hours a day, but when he decides there’s something he wants – you’ve never seen more passion!

    1. Lol~ Yeah, my dog loves to chase a dot…like a laser dot. He begs for it. It’s definitely his passion in life.

  3. Our twenty year-old cat (yes, my wife got her when she was just a toddler) is very, very spoiled! You could give her attention all day but she still wants more. She meows and meows in the wee hours of the morning until you feed her wet food. She is high maintenance and only likes clean water.

    She also is a freerider, not having to do anything and getting everything handed to her! Gotta love pets.

    1. Yeah, so true. But they do provide companionship and some laughs =)

  4. Haha I love this! I grew up with dachshunds (You can see a Christmas pic of us with a litter of dachshund puppies here -> They are such good dogs! I always say that if reincarnation exists, I want to come back as our dog Julep. Her biggest worry in life is how many belly rubs she’s going to get every day. She’s also smart as a whip and constantly amazes us with the evil plans she comes up with, haha!

    1. Yes, no kidding. Mine went outside this morning and is already back in bed for the day. I got to go to work. Must be nice =)

  5. LOL! Another great and entertaining post – thank you! We used to have a dog that would break out of the yard, wandering the ‘hood getting his “business” done for awhile, and then, he’d scratch at the door to come in, we’d open the door, and he’d happily trot off to stand in the corner; his standard punishment. The punishment was worth the crime.

    1. Totally. Pablo is ten, so there’s no point in trying to change him now either.

  6. My dogs are such freeloaders! After a long day at work, they will not let me come home and blog on the computer. They will bark, jump on my laptop and everything else just so that they can get more pets than they usually get (which is a lot!).

    1. They want attention- sounds like my kids! We just wait until they go to bed at 8 to get anything done =)

  7. lol! grew up with those little devil dogs – then adopted a couple of them. the last one we had LOVED me, tolerated the kids and hated spouse. those dogs have a mind of their own.

    1. Yes, they do. Mine is great with the kids! They are rough with him sometimes at even at ten years old he sits there and takes it. He’s lazy but a sweetheart =)

  8. After all, he is 70, I hope life will be that relaxing in retirement!

  9. Pablo’s a pimp!

    Great job Pablo. I wonder if Cheryl would let me get away with that?

    1. I wonder if Greg would let me get away with it!!!!!!!!!!

  10. This is funny! I don’t have a dog, but my brother does. She is too cute for anyone to think she’s a freeloader. At least she still licks the crumbs off the floor.

  11. “I keep reminding myself that someday, I will be able to do that too.”

    And you will… just keep investing, cuz that’s what it takes. Eyes on the prize, girl! 🙂

    Of course, nothing on earth stops you from selling everything and moving down to Cancun to live the easy life, right now. You really can. Others have done it.

    All you do is trade one “package of life” with another. One thing remains true, though: no matter what life you choose, no matter how good or bad, becomes a routine, a drag and a grind. Even the Queen of Versailles’s life, with untold millions of dollars, turned into a drag. Psychologists call it adaptation. So the question becomes: what drag (package of life) ends with the most fulfillment? Because that’s the one you want.

    And I’d suggest you have that one already. Order pizza out tonight and celebrate it!

    1. Cancun is sounding pretty darn good right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  12. My dog’s life is pretty much identical to Pablos’s except we don’t have a yard, so we walk him 4 times a day (well 3 and then pay a dog walker $15 a day to walk him for us while we’re at work). I don’t even spend $15 a day on myself, so you see where this story is going 😉

  13. Don’t worry Holly, I’m sure when you are 70 in dog years your children will be dressing you for the day and you can sleep as late as you want 😉

    My dog is being extra bad these days so I really appreciated this post. Misery loves company.

  14. This post really does emphasise the saying ‘It’s a dog’s life’!!

    1. Yeah, no kidding. I would love to be curled up in bed right now.

  15. LOL awwwwww Pablo sounds like my cat Pepe. We often talk (well I talk) about his need for his lazy ass to get a job. I mean he sleeps, eats, poops, and sleeps more. Occasionally I catch him looking out the window and I swear he is singing a disney song in his head about how great it would be if he could just roam around in the streets being free, but then I quickly remind him that I feed him, and then he goes back to sleep. He is super cuddly though, which I tell him is the only reason I keep him around. hee hee.

  16. I don’t have a dog, but I have a cat. He contributes to our household by trying to eat our food off our plate when we’re not paying attention. He also shows his love by jumping on your lap immeadiately after using his litter box. Pets, ya gotta love ’em! 🙂

  17. Pets are part of the family and we excuse them just like our children. I think because they cute things just like children that make us love them more. We have had a dof just abour our entire lives.

  18. Don’t get too jealous — he licks his butt. Eats poop probably too. My mom has had dachshunds her whole life — and we had this amazing one (Snookums) when I was a kid. Now she has the two most worthless dachshunds on earth — one just whines, all the time. I kind of hope I did not get the dachshund gene!

  19. The cats are mine and were with me long before I met my wife. She’s never bonded with them and I know she often sees them as ‘little creatures that cost money who don’t particularly care for her’. I can understand it all 🙂 Very good writing on this one!

  20. LoL. I’m so ready to set upa security camera and see what the crap my dog does all day. Most likely she sleeps on the couch that she’s not supposed to be on, chews on and licks stuff she can’t have, and then probably sleeps on my pillow for good measure. They truly are the master’s of leisure!

  21. Great story. We have two dogs and one of them would love to get rid of the other. He is selfish and doesn’t care about anyone but himself. When our other dog stays outside, he will love every minute he gets by himself. What a life!

  22. Ha! Sounds like someone I know (an actual person) who has the same type of arrangement. This person lives at home rent-free, doesn’t pay for food or utilities, doesn’t do laundry, and couldn’t be happier. It got even better for them once their sibling moved away and left even more room and food to this particular person. Perhaps they’re actually related since I always thought there was something off about this individual.

    And no, it isn’t me 🙂 Although, sometimes I wish I could have a lifestyle where I didn’t have to pay for everything out of my own pocket.

  23. haha I love this post guys! ”I don’t know what he does from 9-5 but acts completely exhausted when we get home” silly dog. Our cat is living the life of luxury as well.

  24. We lost Sadie about a year ago. She was 14 and lots like Pablo. She used to sleep on the couch all day and jump off when she heard us come home. (She wasn’t allowed on the couch). When she got old and deaf, she couldn’t hear us and we’d find her right on the couch. She’d look up like, “Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?” and we’d do nothing. Biggest brat of a dog ever but I miss that little snot every day.

  25. I don’t have a dog, but I’m hoping to get one in the future. And I’m hoping that y future dog will be like Pablo.

  26. Wow, I’m surprised Pablo thrived so well after Hammie’s death. When I was growing up, we had two dogs, and they both died within 6 months of one another – we always said the second to go died from heartbreak.

  27. There’s a Kurt Vonnegut short story that’s about this exactly….dogs are actually geniuses that know how to talk, but never will because revealing their intelligence would discourage humans from taking care of them and their bills!

  28. Ahaha… well don’t try too hard to put your pet to work or it may back fire. My friend tried to get her cat to be more active by taking him outside for daily walks. Now when she doesn’t, he pees in her shoes. 🙂

  29. I do have a feeling some days that our pets are really the smarter part of the partnership. They seem to get a much better deal out of the arrangement than we do!

    That said, having a pet has some amazing benefits too.

  30. This is hilarious! I have 2 doxies and they are my loves 🙂 But they are lazy and one of them totally loves my mom more than me, so I get that!

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