“You’ve got to be fu*#ing kidding me.”

That’s my new favorite phrase. Though I blurted it out several times on Sunday night, I’m not simply reserving this new catchphrase for errant football snaps or Percy Harvin kick returns. Nope. I’ve found several real-life instances in which I’ve been able to utter this most eloquent of new maxims. Let me explain.

The Definition of Insanity

Nothing gets me more fired up than poor customer service. At this point, I don’t even expect a whole lot out of these poor souls stuck in a phone bank – especially when it is halfway across the world. So, in order to get my dander up, you really have to be piss poor. Well, Comcast takes that to a whole new extreme.

For those of you who have been following this blog since the beginning, you may remember that I am not a fan of Comcast. In fact, I think that they are easily the worst company that I have ever dealt with on any level. From the first time I used them in college and skipped class to be home during their 4-hour installation window (to which they never bothered to show up) all the way to them not giving us a router for our internet service a few years ago, my dealings with Comcast have always been awful. So, you think I would know better than to sign up with them again, right? After all, the isn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result?

I Am Certifiable

You see, being a cheap-ass is who I am. And, Like Michael Corleone at a mobster convention, Comcast used that to lure me back in. They promised me high-speed internet. They promised me an internet/cable bundle for $3 less than just paying for internet alone. And better yet, they promised me free HBO for a year…and you know how much I LOVE Game of Thrones!!! All this I could get for the low price of $35/month. Although I had some reservations about a moonlit dance with this cable TV devil, the cheapskate in me couldn’t resist. Besides, they were going to send me a “self install kit” to streamline the process, making it even easier for me to get started.

I should have known better.

Self Install…Not So Much

After receiving the TV box and modem in the mail, I immediately got to work installing our new product. How hard could it be? The directions were straight forward, and there are basically only 4 steps. Hell, my 4-year-old could do that. So, once I got the TV and internet modem/router hooked up, I moved forward to activate our account. That is when things got hairy.

As per the instructions, I went to comcast.com to complete the installation. After filling in a few basic fields, I clicked on the installation button…only to get an error message saying that my account was not eligible for self-installation. I found that odd considering that they had sent me the self install kit in the first place. Thinking that there could possibly be a mistake on my part, I started the process over. Again, I hit the installation button…no dice.

I decided to go ahead and give the self install phone number a try. After following about 5 minutes of prompts, I finally was put on hold to talk to a real person. Unfortunately, that call was dropped by the automated system. “You’ve got to be fu*#ing kidding me.”

Losing my sanity one agonizing minute at a time, I decided to call again. We’ve already discussed the definition of insanity, right? Well, as any logical person would expect, I got through the prompts, waited on hold for 10 minutes, annnnndddd…the system dropped the call again.

So, I tried it again, going through all the prompts and waiting on hold for over 15 minutes. Finally, I got to talk to a real person who said the could assist me with the self install. Our conversation lasted about 30 minutes, but the meat of it went a little bit like this:

Comcast Dude: I’m sorry, are you calling about TV or internet service?

Me: Both. We ordered both please.

Comcast Dude: OK, so you have 2 TV boxes?

Me: No. We have 1 TV and 1 Internet box.

Comcast Dude: Oh. I see. We do not have either of those boxes registered to your account.

Me: Funny, because you sent the boxes to my address. I would have thought that you should have registered them before you sent them to me, seeing as this is called a self install kit.

Comcast Dude: Sorry about that. Can you give me the numbers please.

So after giving them multiple numbers, waiting on hold, and being on the phone for over an hour at this point, the guy finally tells me that they can’t seem to get my boxes registered. Not only can they not do it, he suggested that I travel 30 miles to the nearest Comcast location for them to help me with it. “You’ve got to be fu*king kidding me!”

Seriously, this is one of the reasons we decided to cut the cord to cable in the first place.

Never Give Up

To make a long story short, Holly called them again the next day, suffered through several hang-ups, argued about whether or not we were going to get the free HBO that they offered us, and finally got all of the equipment that Comcast sent to our house actually “registered” with the people that sent it . Ridonkulous, right? When it was all said and done, the “30-minute self installation” took approximately 4 hours. Problem solved, right? Not so fast.

The Defintion of Insanity – Part Deux

One of the biggest issues we’ve had with Comcast has been their failure to be able to bill us correctly. Why should we…

Breaking News

This just in!!!! I was going to tell you about how Comcast screwed up our first bill, charging us for multiple services that we didn’t ask for and didn’t want. (Surprise, huh?) I wanted you to know about the additional 4 hours we’ve spent trying to get our bill corrected. (Seriously?!? Yep.) I planned to regale you with the tales of 8 more phone calls, 6 of which were dropped by their system while we were on hold. (YGTBFKM, right?!?!?!) But instead, after spending my entire lunch break on the phone with Comcast earlier today trying to fix my bill, I came home to this:


The Definition of Insanity: A Comcast Rant


That, my friends, is a box full of Comcast equipment…another TV box and modem…which we didn’t order…and they want us to pay for.


Not only did they send me all of this stuff that I didn’t order or want, but they actually wanted us to return it to their office 30 miles away so that we don’t get charged for it. They quickly found out that there was not a snowball’s chance in hell that we were going to do either of those things…after we were disconnected AGAIN.

So, as it stands, if I have to waste any more of my time to make another phone call to this ridiculous joke of a company, it will be the last call I ever make to them. Seriously, how can anybody even stay in business operating in this manner. Sometimes, free s#it just isn’t worth it.

Honestly, you’ve got to be fu*#ing kidding me.