Expensive weddings have a bad reputation in the personal finance community, similarly to drinking coffee you didn’t brew yourself or washing your clothes without homemade detergent. Given the narrow point of view of many personal finance experts, it’s no surprise that they don’t understand that ludicrously expensive weddings are helping to preserve America’s history. If they had it their way, we would all be married by a dear Comrade in between forced beet harvests. Here are five reasons expensive weddings should become socially acceptable:
Preserve America’s mansions. Expensive weddings are solely responsible for preserving America’s mansions since the rich were forced to sell them to non-profit charitable trusts so Occupy Wall Street would stop camping out on their lawns. If not for immensely expensive weddings, these mansions would have more in common with 1313 Mockingbird Lane than East Egg. These mansions are a part of our history, harking back to a time when poor people knew their place… the factory floor.
Preserve the fashions of yesteryear. Without posh weddings, America’s outdated fashion industry would collapse like an un-fluffed ascot. The saddle shoe industry would be forced to make comfortable foot wear, leaving your grandfather more befuddled than a Mormon at a bar mitzvah. Bowties would become part of exhibits at the Smithsonian, along with tail-coats and pocket watches. Suspenders would be suspended from keeping pants up, and that is their favorite activity! Men’s Warehouse would literally become a warehouse for men where the closest thing to a bar is the one that goes on a tie and argyle socks are stitched together to make toilet-sacks.
Preserve classic songs. Weddings might be where your grandmother’s dignity goes to die, but they are where America’s most famous songs are preserved in perpetuity. Just think of them as formaldehyde for the dance floor. Where else is the electric slide still an acceptable form of expression or Nickleback a muse for lovers with poor decision skills and NASCAR tattoos? What other venue facilitates the classic American tradition of the father of the bride and bride dancing to Get Low and shouting, “skeet, skeet, skeet!”? None other than a laboriously planned and expensive wedding.
Preserve the American Dream. Incredibly expensive wedding are at their core an expression of the American Dream, a dream that any middle class bride-to-be can force her parent’s to forfeit their retirement so she can feel like a princess, if only for a day.
A time honored tradition, the expensive wedding reflects upon those who choose it a glow of youthful evanescence; it is the event that marks the passing of childhood and the coming of adulthood. And as we all know, marriage requires its participants to love one another for better or for worse, raise their children in a loving and stable household, and begin saving for their children’s insanely expensive wedding.
 Or as your grandmother calls it, “the last bath you ever take”.
How much did you pay for your wedding? What would you consider a reasonable wedding budget?