How to Deal When Your Wife Makes More
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I have a confession to make. I’ve held this in for so long, it’s been eating me up inside. Seriously, the time has come to let this dirty little secret out of the bag.
OK. Here goes…
My wife earns more money than I do.
Like, significantly more.
Like…way…WAY more than I do.
There! I said it! Take my man card, confiscate my tools, and steal my grill. I don’t care. It feels soooo good to finally stop living this lie. The burden has finally been lifted!
Of course, anybody who knows us is already aware of this fact. And, I suppose, anybody who has read our income reports has probably figured it out by now. So, maybe it isn’t that big of a secret. Maybe it’s already public knowledge.
Still, this thing has been weighing on me. It’s not the traditional arrangement, not the way it is “supposed” to be. I mean, what’s everybody going to think of me now that it’s finally out in the open?
Oh wait. I don’t care.
My wife makes more than me. Deal with it.
Hell, she makes more in 3 months than I used to make in a year. It’s a crazy turn of events, but I think it’s freakin’ awesome! My wife rules beeotch! Here are some great ways to earn extra money if you aren’t really excited about the difference of money making between you and your spouse!
When Your Wife Makes More
Now, I understand some dudes may feel threatened. I understand some people may look down on me. I know a few of you think I’m a bit of a wuss.
Let me repeat: I. Don’t. Care.
This ain’t 1956, yo! Hell, this ain’t even 1986. It’s 2016 and gender norms have changed.(Hallelujah!)
Of course it hasn’t always been this way. There was a time when I was the main breadwinner. I used to go out, slaughter that pig, and toss that bacon on the kitchen table. I was a MAN…and I was happy with that. Honestly, I’d be lying if I said making less didn’t require a few mental adjustments.
So, how did I go from breadwinner to boy toy? How did I get over the enormous humiliation of my wife making more money than me? How can you do it too? Let’s dig in!
4 Ways to Deal with Your Wife Earning More
1) Know Your Worth
As dudes, we tend to tie a lot of our self-worth into what we do for a living. Almost instinctively, we feel like we’re “supposed” to be the provider. It makes us feel needed and…well…manly. Plus, let’s face it: For some, there’s still a stigma attached to making less than your wife. It’s like you’re walking around with a scarlet letter “L” attached to your chest. But, you’re not a loser.
It’s easy to feel threatened when your roles change. When she starts making more, you might wonder where you fit in. That can cause friction, self-doubt, and resentment. Remember, you are more than just a job. You are a husband, a father (possibly), and a human being with other great qualities. Anybody who cares that your wife makes more needs to check themselves and join the 21st century.
2) Remember, You’re on the Same Team
Don’t forget, you are both working toward the same goals here. Getting married means you’ve formed a partnership. You are a family unit, a team that shares in each other’s highs and lows. When you’re a team, you have to play to each other’s strengths. Sometimes you’ll carry the load. Other times she will.
Luckily for me, we’ve always been a team, each supporting our individual and shared goals. For example, Holly was able to take a chance and focus full-time on her writing because I held a steady gig. Obviously, that paid off in spades for us. Now, she’s picked up the torch, providing the income that’s allowing us to build up our own business. And, since everything goes into the same pot, there’s no mine and yours. We’re a team…and it’s ours just like it’s always been.
3) Use it as Motivation
Is making less than your wife getting you down? Are you tired of her bringing in more than you? Well, get off your ass and do something about it. Nothing stokes the fires of success like a little competition. Use your wife’s to inspire and motivate your own.
Better yet, celebrate your wife’s accomplishments as a family. If you have children, boys or girls, point to your wife as a shining example of what they can accomplish someday. I can’t think of a better role model for my two daughters than their own mother.
4) Get Over Yourself
Look, I know it can be tough to deal when your wife makes more than you. It’s a societal stigma that hasn’t worn off. But, here’s the best thing you can do: Get over it, brah! You just hit the sugar momma jackpot! Enjoy it. Wear that scarlet letter with pride. Celebrate her, support her, and show her the appreciation and love she deserves.
No, seriously. Act like a real man and get over it.
Beaming With Pride
Personally, I’m in total awe of Holly and I admire all she does for our family. She’s the most driven, hardest working person I’ve ever known. She’s the best at what she does, and she got there by working her ass off. I know because I’ve seen her do it – pounding away every day…and at night…and on the weekends, while most people are enjoying their time off.
But it’s more than just that. After years of searching, she finally found her calling, and I couldn’t be happier for her. I love her and I am incredibly proud of everything she has accomplished. The best I can hope for is that my daughters are watching, and that they grow into strong, intelligent, driven women like their mother.
So go ahead. Mock me. Ridicule me. Point at me and whisper that I’m the dude who makes less than his wife. I think it’s hi-lair-eee-ous. We’re still laughing our asses off…with a big fat check on the way to the bank.
Does your wife make more than you? Do you make more than your hubby? How do you deal with it? Let us know in the comments below!
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Totally awesome Holly brings home most of the bacon!
The key is to continue motivating her to do more and pitch in when you can. Gotta keep the money train going through positive support so you can continue to have all the freedom in the world.
I interviewed several guys at the park the other day to learn their secrets on how they convinced their wives to make more so they could play tennis with me. I found some great insights.
It’s all about kicking back as a man nowadays. Stay at home men of the world, UNITE!
LOL Sam. You’re the best.
Hard work has definitely paid off, congrats Holly.
More money more problems, right?
I’m curious, how are you using it as motivation, Greg? Have you changed your behaviors at all to bring home more bacon as well?
I think it is great and necessary for both partners to continue striving for more.
You speak the truth, especially ‘remember, you are on the same team’! Times are changing and it seems more families don’t have the “traditional” make up so who cares who makes more, right? I say, make smart decisions with the money you have coming in.
I make more than my husband, however, what he lacks in monetary contribution is well made up for in time. He has every summer and all holidays off! This has been a fantastic bonus since having kids, not only no babysitters or unnecessary day care costs but extra time with dad.
I thought you guys worked together on the blog and on your writing business?
Anyway, I think it’s awesome that it doesn’t bother you.
Yeah I write on the weekends because I’m trying to go to the next level with my writing, it’s really not fun sometimes just because that’s when everyone goes out. I’m okay with the trade off just because I know it will be worth it. I’m not married though.
We do, but I do the bulk of writing and make the majority of our income.
LOVE this! Who cares who makes more? So many people are critical of what me and Wes have going on, and I think it’s stupid.
This is one of the hurdles I think I need to spend more time planning for whenever I enter early retirement. There’s a decent chance that Mrs. Done by 40 willbwant to continue working even after we reach Financial Independence, while I’m going to probably put in my two weeks the first opportunity I get.
I’ll admit that a lot of my pride and self-worth comes from the fact that I’m a good earner and I can provide for my wife and family. But that thinking really is antiquated. It seems that some viewpoints never change quite as fast as we need them to.
I know it\’s tongue in cheek but as a guy who took paternity leave I feel where you\’re coming from. It\’s not 1956, most people would agree, but you still get some odd looks when people learn the details.
I absolutely loved this! You’re right times have changed, and who cares about what other people think as long as the money is going into the same household.
I make more than my partner as well. So nice to hear from a guy’s perspective!
Girlfriend makes WAY more than I do. I’m working on starting a financial consulting business, and it’s pretty tough to project future income instead of current income. I think it comes down to not associating your own net worth with worth. If you can keep the two distinct, then I think you can avoid some of the awkward situations when dealing with current or potential in laws, friends, your parents, etc.
I just have to say, this is a lovely post about your wife, like a little love letter 🙂
It’s so refreshing to hear a man’s perspective on this. I earn more than my partner and while it doesn’t bother me, I’ve always wondered how men might take it. I know everyone’s different but it’s refreshing to hear someone be so relaxed about it! Kudos 🙂
My girlfriend and I make similar incomes. But the perks of our employment are incredibly different. Hers are way beyond mine. I get to enjoy her perks and beam with pride that she got this for herself. However, we are not men. I can’t say that our predominant culture would not have impacted my thinking.