Who Wears the Financial Pants in Your Family?

Who Wears the Financial Pants in Your Family - picture of man and woman with cash flying having fun in sunglasses

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A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a friend’s husband when I was called out for something that is 100% true – the fact that I’m a control freak.  #guiltyascharged

I know, I know.  I shouldn’t be proud.  But the thing is, I don’t want to change at all. In fact, I believe my Type A personality is actually an asset- one that allows me to make quick decisions and manage our day-to-day lives without much effort or stress.

Anyway, the whole conversation started when I admitted that I make most of the financial decisions in our household, with input from Greg of course.  He reacted as if I had just told him I was pregnant with sixtuplets, but I don’t think our situation is strange at all.  Let me explain.

Sometimes Ignorance is Bliss

You see, Greg just isn’t all that interested in the ups and downs of our electric bill or the fact that I spent $27 unbudgeted dollars on school supplies this week.  He also doesn’t notice or care if our auto insurance went up $17 or I splurged on something small for the kids.

So instead of bothering him with all the inconsequential decisions I make on a daily basis, I choose to only consult him when it comes to the “big stuff.”  You know.  Things like saving for college, choosing a health insurance plan, and our retirement goals.  He couldn’t care less about the fact that I just stocked up on fabric softener sheets because they were on sale.  Because, let’s face it, he’s too busy being awesome.

So What’s the Problem?

The conversation with my friend’s husband rubbed me the wrong way for a few reasons, but mainly because I felt his opinion was based on the fact that I am a woman.

Think about it. 

How many husbands do you know control the family finances the way I do?  And how many women are on some sort of allowance system or have to ask their husband for money on a daily or weekly basis?  Men everywhere control the checkbook without so much as an eye-roll.  Should women really accept that arrangement whether it works well for their family or not?

Pssshhhtttt……  I think you know the answer to that.

Who Wears the Financial Pants in Your Family?

I don’t believe that one gender is better at budgeting, but I think we can all agree that women are just as good at making financial decisions as men are.  Obviously.  Actually, a growing body of research shows that women make the majority of purchasing decisions in the U.S.- up to 75 percent according to this Nielson consumer report.

But we’re not all raging control freaks.  We’re mothers, wives, and friends.  We’re the ones who buy the birthday presents for the nieces and nephews, and the razors that husbands can never seem to replace.  We fret over college savings, make sure the kids have shoes that fit, and shop for diapers in bulk to save.

There’s nothing wrong with women taking the reins in any aspect of their marriage or financial life.  What I do find wrong is labeling powerful women as controlling or oppressive, especially when the accusation is only based on a small set of facts.

Fact:  I wear the financial pants in my family, and I feel f&%king awesome in them. 

And no amount of shaming will ever make me feel as if I am doing something wrong.

For more of our thoughts on money and marriage, check out these sweet posts!

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  1. We have a similar setup as you do. I enjoy the minutiae of the day-to-day finances. D would rather have an update and input on the big items. I am better with numbers and playing with spreadsheets, so it just makes sense. Oh, and there’s the fact that I “have to” control everything, as much as I can… So it works out well for our personalities.

    1. Same here! We talk about the “big stuff” all the time but Greg doesn’t want to know about daily purchases.

  2. I do all the day-to-day decision making when it comes to money in our household, and Mr PoP was so glad to hand that over when we got married and combined finances. We talk over all the big stuff before pulling the trigger (since I don’t want to be solely on the hook for a bad decision), but 98% of the time it’s me.

  3. I’m the household finance person; complete the tax forms, budget, retirement planning and investments. Ironically, Mrs. Maverick has a career in business finance.

    Okay, okay, yes, I’m a control freak too. 🙂

    1. Perhaps she leaves it to you because she deals with money at work. That would make sense!

  4. I wear the pants!!! Yeah!!! I do the day to day stuff as well, but my husband has a pretty good idea of what’s going on at any given point. I think the most important thing is that both parties are contributing – it drives me crazy when one spouse leaves the other one completely in the dark about finances. It’s far too common to hear “Oh, I don’t know how much we have saved or if we have credit card debt, I let him (or her) handle the money.”

    1. I do Payroll for a road construction company, and it kills me how many of our guys don’t even know where they bank! Their pay is direct deposited, their wife gives them an allowance (or they have access to a credit card). I understand one party handling the day to day finances, but you should at least know the name of your bank in case something happens!

      1. That doesn’t surprise me. Greg knows where we bank, but I would be surprised if he knew any of our account numbers.

      2. It also depends if you used multiple banks. My husband and I each have our old accounts from prior to being married, then we move and got a joint set of accounts at a new credit union. We each have our own credit cards, and no he does not care what I have, he uses which ever one is giving the best cash back. Plus there are my ton and half of online banking because I used to chase rates. As long as there is a way to check and find out what accounts there are, I don’t care personally.

  5. Ben Luthi says:

    I do most of the budget updates and behind-the-scenes stuff of watching utilities and all that junk, but we consult each other on just about everything and we both walk through the budget together each month, which is really nice.

    1. That’s basically what we do. I write a monthly budget on the 1st and we agree to it. Sometimes he adds something he needs. Then I just pay the bills according to the plan we laid out together.

  6. Well since my husband was handling the finances for years and pretty much f&8ked it all up, I was forced to exercise my control freakyness and now I wear the big girl panties and farmers overalls all at the same time. Turns out I’m good at it. I didn’t want to do it, but when I decide to do something I do it well. I just have to keep pulling him into the fold so he doesn’t completely abscond on any responsibilities and leave everything physically and emotionally on me.

    1. I think that’s great you took things over. Why not? It sounds like you are doing a great job!

  7. I tend to handle most of finances in my house, because my wife just doesn’t care about it. It isn’t that she is an overspender, it just doesn’t interest her the same way it interests me. The only exception is medical bills. She has to submit them through her work or something, so she takes care of that.

    1. Greg isn’t an overspender either. In fact, he rarely spends any money at all. He just focuses more on the big picture than our day-to-day stuff.

  8. I’m wearing the pants, but my wife and I discuss often. We also included our children in our monthly budget meetings. We want them to understand the in and outs of this stuff. Growing up, my mom was the Queen of the checkbook.

    1. I hope to add our kids to our discussions sometime in the future. They’re too young to “get it” at this point.

  9. We run things the exact same way, Holly. Rick has no interest in dealing with our money – it bores him to tears! I think it would be different if you (or I) were controlling things in a way in which the guys didn’t have any input because we didn’t allow them to, but that’s not the case. And you’re so right about it being “taboo” for women to manage the money. What a bunch of malarkey.

    1. No, it’s not that way at all. We talk about all of it. I just don’t bug him with little hiccups we have. He’s more worried about our long-term goals.

  10. “Hi,
    My name is Catina, I am a control freak, I wear the financial pants, AND I freaking love it.”
    The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, the second step is saying “I don’t give a ______________”. (insert fancy word)

    1. Hi Catina! No need to recover. Just keep on being awesome!

  11. I would say that I probably wear the financial pants, but my wife acts more like your husband where she doesn’t care too much about the details, but we talk about the big stuff. I wouldn’t be opposed to her doing it, but really I don’t think she is too interested because she trusts me in doing the best job for the both of us. And if she ever wanted she can log in to any of our accounts and see for herself where we are.

    But I think I know more people where the woman is wears the financial pants or they have some sort of weird separate finance arrangement. Which, THAT I do not understand if you are married… you should be working together. What is the purpose if I reach financial independence, but my wife still has to work because she managed her own separate finances in a different way causing her to still need to work? So in trying to spend more time with my family, very little would be accomplished if I couldn’t, ya know, spend time with her.

    1. Yeah, I don’t understand separate finances at all. Our goals are all joint goals. I can’t imagine having separate goal posts.

  12. We basically manage our finances together. We discuss the budget, investing, etc. and then split up the responsibilities. I handle making sure we’re on track for what we’re wanting to do and manage all the investing. My wife handles the bills and manages the more day to day aspects. It helps us both have a part as well as playing to our strengths.

  13. At our house I take care of the checkbook and the bills, and hubby takes care of things like researching investments for our Roth IRAs, shopping around for insurance, etc. It works well since I tend to care a Lot more about the minutia of our daily finances than he does, and I don’t have the patience to do all the research that he does!

  14. Hi, I’m Cindy, and I’m a control freak. *Hi Cindy!*

    Right now the boyfriend and I have separate finances. But we (okay, I) have big goals, so we talk about our money way more than any other couple I know. I definitely see us combining our finances when we take the next step, and I’ll probably take care of the day to day stuff. It doesn’t really interest him that much, and he doesn’t pay as much attention as (I think) he should. I think we’ll still continue to talk a lot though; neither of us is the type to completely give up control to someone else.

    1. Yeah, that makes sense. Greg isn’t the kind of person to give up total control either. he’s the type of person who wants to know about the big picture and that we’re working toward our goals.

  15. Since our finances are separate, we both wear them. I do tend to make the major decisions, but do not object when she spends her money.

    But she is pretty frugal too.

  16. At the moment, I am the sole pants wearer! 🙂 I have to keep myself on budget, control my spending and pay all the bills on my own. When I was married, I managed the majority of the finances but strangely, we had separate banking and I did not have access to his accounts. Weird I know and quite possibly part of the failing of our marriage. It was like two financial ships passing in the night. Quite often we weren’t heading in the same direction toward financial goals..not good.
    Being in the dating world again, I have asked financially related questions and I’m sure if I’m in a relationship again, I’ll use the lessons I’ve learned with my finances to ensure we have the same monetary goals in mind.

    1. Good idea! Yeah, separate finances never seem like a good idea. I know so many people who have marital problems for that exact reason.

  17. LOVE this, Holly! I, too, am a type-A control freak who manages the finances. 🙂 I presume that will continue. Like you said, it comes naturally and I’m able to do it quickly without much thought or stress.

  18. I am like you. My husband doesn’t really care to know all the little stuff. It’s funny really, as l never thought about it. My mom did it, and all my sisters do it too. He does know what banks we have though, but not much more.

    1. I’m sure he knows you are taking good care of things =)

  19. Our relationship is very similar. I handle all the finances, mainly because I know I would be better at it. I think most families are like this – I really don’t think I know anyone where the husband manages the finances!

  20. It is typically me who runs the financial numbers in the family. I only include my wife when there is a big decision. She doesn’t care much about the finances as long as we are meeting our goals and she has her spending money. Note, this is not an allowance, but money she earns and doesn’t pool.

    1. That makes sense! We kind’ve have “allowances” too, although it’s not a set amount and an unspoken thing.

  21. Holly, you crack me up! Love this: “I wear the financial pants in my family, and I feel f&%king awesome in them.” OH yeah. I’d say Mr. Frugalwoods and I split the duties pretty evenly. We’re both obsessed with personal finance, so it’s a hot date for us to sit down and review all of our accounts and spreadsheets (and let me tell you, we have A LOT of spreadsheets).

  22. Remember that Everybody Loves Raymond Episode where Debra hands the checkbook over to Ray to see if he can handle the finances for awhile to give her a break? He messes it up so bad that he has to create a second “fake” checkbook. And then their electricity is shut off, etc etc….LOL….this would be my husband. So yes, I am in charge of the finances!! I honestly can tell you that I could never be in a marriage and not be in control of the finances. It is a dealbreaker for me. good thing I found him , because he could care less about balancing the checkbook or budgeting. He seems to understand that we have no money though 🙂

    1. Yes, I do remember that episode!!!

      I think I am meant to be in control too. I don’t think I be clueless about our money without going nuts!

  23. Being a personal finance blogger, one would assume you should handle the finances. I manage all the investments in my household, and the major financial planning as well. We have separate checking accounts, and that system works for us.

  24. I’m definitely the financial person in our family. So much so that I created a blog around that fact. We discuss big picture issues as a couple and then I execute them.

    1. “so much so that I created a blog around the fact.”

      LOL that’s great! Obviously you should be in charge- you’re the CEO!

  25. I am more in control of the spending and hubby is more in control of the investing. If that sounds like the stereotypical division among the sexes, let me explain. Tom is more of a spender than I am, so I take care of the spending, paying bills, recording everything on Quicken etc. I’m more of a saver than he is so he does the investment tracking, bringing investment ideas to me so we can discuss. Then he uses our discussion to decide what investment to make. He’s really really good at investing. Because each of us take on the task the other might go overboard on, we balance each other out quite nicely.

    1. That sounds like a great situation! You play on each other’s strengths.

  26. I wear the pants and our system is very similar to yours.

  27. I’m on your side Holly! 🙂 Since my husband is not really good when it comes to financial matters, he let me take charge on that matter. My hubs know that I’m better than him, so with all of his heart, he allowed me to wear a financial pants in our family.

  28. Of course being just me I wear the pants, skirt, shoes, etc. 🙂 I think there is that stereotype that women just spend their man’s money…very outdated thinking. I think it can be either or, although if there is a huge imbalance, meaning one truly doesn’t care at all and spends mindlessly while the other tries to save (I’ve seen that on a couple blogs), then it’s a huge problem. And as long as the one wearing the FP doesn’t make the other person feel small or like they have no control whatsoever. One of my female friends is a huge control freak and when she was married to her now ex, she just made him feel so small all the time. It was tough to watch.

    1. Yeah, I agree. I know people like that too. Crazy.

      For our marriage, it’s more just about me not bothering him with little stuff that won’t make or break us. He wants to know more about the stuff that really matters. He also likes to talk about long-term goals.

  29. I am certainly the control freak, but it’s because Jim has no interest whatsoever. If it were up to him to buy groceries, we’d probably have only popcorn, pizza, and maybe an apple here and there. Most of my family does seem to follow that whole “man takes care of the money” philosophy and it drives me nuts. I have a cousin who just got a divorce and she had no clue how much the mortgage payment was or who to pay it to. I can’t believe anyone would be that shortsighted in this day and age!

    1. LOL That sounds like Greg. I can’t imagine what we would eat if he did the grocery shopping. Probably lots of peanut butter toast!

  30. I do.

    When this came up in conversation with my in-laws right after our wedding, my MIL said, “Well, you’re an economist, so of course you handle the money.” Which makes sense, though it’s not actually the reason.

  31. I wear the financial pants and I love it. I do our budget, investments, allocate savings, pay bills….well everything that has to do with money. We make “big” decisions together but I usually research decisions.

    1. Same here. Greg also researches big decisions though.

  32. As a former CFO, I wear the pants. Anytime it involves spending more than a $100, we both talk it over.

    1. That’s how we are, although it more like $50 for us.

  33. Preach on!

    I suppose I wear the financial “pants” in that I handle all the nitty gritty stuff. But I get Mrs. Done by Forty’s input (okay, “approval”) on any big items. In some ways, I don’t think doing the day to day makes you the boss. If you’re handling all the work, but having to get input/approval from the other spouse for big items, at least in the traditional work sense, the other spouse is really the boss.

    1. LOL, that’s probably true. I’m the grunt and Greg is the boss!

  34. Among many, many other issues, this was a problem in my marriage. My ex grew up in a household where his dad was in control of everything and his mother is very meek and submissive. I am not! That was not something he apprecaited… Whatever! I’m better off now 🙂

  35. I do all the money junk, but mostly because I’m slightly obsessive about it. My wife is similar to Greg, where she just wants to know the big picture, not the details.

    As for men vs. women, it really doesn’t matter. Marriage makes you one family unit, and each spouse has different functions. Who cares who manages the money, as long as you have great communication and are on the same long term plan together as partners 🙂

  36. PREACH! I love this. And you’re dead-on that it’s because you’re a woman, which is infuriating but true. So many stereotypes still run rampant about women and money.

    To be honest, I’m not sure who wears the financial pants with my parents. My Dad is the primary bread winner, but my mom seems to handle all things bill payments, insurance and they discuss most major purchases. My dad does handle the investing though. I never remember hearing anything about an allowance for my mom, but I have heard that from married co-workers.

    I’m not married so I wear the financial pants, but I know I’m likely to in a marriage because I’m interested and probably more emotionally invested than the average person. Plus, I enjoy dealing with money which seems to not be the norm!

    1. I was super in control when I was single too. Nothing wrong with that =)

  37. Both my wife and I are very interested in our finances. I would say that I wear the financial pants only because I’m a type-A personality (like you) and she simply is not that way. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t give input (like Greg), it just means I’m more controlling. I don’t think it’s a bad thing, though I’m sure with two type-A people in the same relationship it could be a potential for a lot of conflict.

    1. Haha, probably. I can’t imagine being married to “me!”

  38. I do! For the same reasons as you. My boyfriend doesn’t see the big deal in spending a little amount. I care, so I manage everything. I let him know what’s going on, but most of the time he shrugs. I even asked him if he wanted to see our budget a few days ago and he said no (sigh!). We trust each other and that’s that. I don’t view it as controlling. It’s something I’m passionate about, so it makes sense for me to handle it. We still communicate openly about finances. If either of us want to make a purchase for ourselves, we run it by each other.

    1. He must trust what you’re doing. Maybe he trusts you even more than he trusts himself.

  39. I definitely wear the pants, but I am shocked at how many of my women clients do not only not have control of the money, but have NO clue what is happening with the money in their household. I understand that some people don’t want the “burden” of dealing with the money; however, you should never have blinders on where money is concerned.

  40. I wear the financial pants, as do many women these days :). My husband sells cars and they’re instructed to greet the woman in a couple first. Why? Because women make the final decision on most household purchases. So many car deals fall through when a guy falls in love with a car and then calls his wife and she vetoes it.

    1. That’s a really good idea, actually. Make the woman feel important!

  41. Prudence Debtfree says:

    My husband definitely wore the $ pants for years and years. Only since we started our journey out of debt in 2012 did I yank my head out of the sand and get involved. We are way better with money now. The thing is, my husband sometimes get annoyed now when I want to clarify things. Says he’s created a monster. Hmmm . . . I think part of him wants to go back to the good old days. But part of me wants to share those pants 50/50 – at the very least.

  42. I definitely wear the financial pants but Chris is very aware of how we spend our money too. And I think it’s perfectly fine to have one person who “owns” the finances, balances the books and makes sure bills are paid on time. As long as your partner is fully aware of the family financial situation and an equal partner when it comes to setting big goals and making big purchases. Like Greg, Chris doesn’t care how much I spent on groceries this week, but he would expect to be a part of the conversation if I bought a new sofa. And as Financially Blonde Shannon mentioned, I am incredibly saddened by how many women come into my office without an idea of what the family finances look like, which is scary. I’ve worked with women after an unexpected death of their husband and they are so lost. Beyond just grief, they don’t know where their accounts are or whether they are on firm or poor financial ground. Even if you don’t want to wear the financial pants, you need to know what’s going on.

    1. I agree. That is so sad. I can’t imagine going through life without having any details on my financial situation. Maybe some people just don’t want to know.

  43. I don’t think there is anything wrong when a woman controls her family’s financial life. I am not married, without kids, but something tells me that when I do eventually get married I will have a very hard time living off some sort of allowance and will more likely be managing my family’s money with the support of my husband, of course. We’ll see 😉

    1. I couldn’t live on allowance. That’s for sure!

  44. Everyone is different. You have to find balance, albeit a balance that is successful. I take care of most of finances due to my profession. I sit down with my wife and force her to go through the budget and financial goals that we have. I want her to be engaged in the finances so I don’t have all the control. Even though I like to control, in the long run I know it is better to have a team effort!

    1. Yeah, I agree. A marriage is a team and something as important as finances should be a joint effort!

  45. I think whoever has more education and knowledge towards finances should be in control of the finances. It works out better for everyone because the person who knows the most is out to make the best decisions.

    1. I don’t think that’s a bad idea in most cases, although having a finance degree doesn’t necessarily mean you are good with day-to-day spending decisions.

  46. Both my husband and I share in the finances. We don’t like to tell each other what to spend our money on, and we discuss any purchase over $100.

    1. That’s how we are, although our number is closer to $50.

  47. I wear the financial pants in my family….although my wife and I talk about finances almost every day. That being said, I pay the bills, balance the checkbook and do the budget. My wife’s requested involvement is to be informed, and be involved with spending decisions. Oh, and by the way, just so you’re aware, there are husbands and fathers that take on the role of buying b-day presents for nieces and nephews, replacing razor blades, making sure the kids’ lunch accounts are properly funded at all times, etc, etc. Who has two thumbs and does that in our family? >>This guy<< Wouldn't want you to stereotype. 🙂

    1. I realize that some husbands do the shopping. But the Nielson study does say that women make around 75% of all purchases! So most things are purchased by women, though certainly not all.

      Can you please teach Greg to buy things he needs? He just expects them to magically appear.

      1. LOL, sometimes I wish that things I need would just magically appear. Ok, all the time. Wow, that’s crazy (75% of all purchases made by women). I guess those in marketing should know who their audience is, huh?

  48. I 100% wear the financial pants because my husband isn’t that interested. I am usually very much a type b easy going person but I just have a far bigger interest

  49. We oscillate over time in our relationship. Previously, I did virtually everything, while now my spouse is taking care of different things than before. We run large purchases by each other and make sure that we are both on the same page regarding risk tolerance (mine is WAY higher than my spouse’s), priorities in terms of savings vehicles, goals and whatnot,.

  50. I run all financial aspects of our household- budgeting, financial planning, and over 50% of bread-winning. My husband is grateful, and we discuss our big picture stuff together, as many others do, too.

    It amazes me that our society still has these gendered scripts. She’s “an A type control freak” and he’s “a take-charge provider and financially prudent.”

    1. It amazes me too….and not in a good way. I think a lot of men are just intimidated by assertive women so they resort to name-calling.

  51. LeRainDrop says:

    I wear the pants! Then again, I am single, so who else would wear them? These pants are mighty comfy, though, so I can’t imagine ever giving them away 🙂 Also, I have witnessed for years my mom’s inattention to finances, letting my dad take care of any budgeting, etc. That, combined with my parents’ encouragement to always be able to take care of myself, has driven me to take the reins. Great post, Holly! And interesting comments, too.

    1. You better be wearing those pants! =)

      It’s great that you can take care of yourself and don’t have to worry about anyone else or consult with them.

  52. I wear the financial pants of our family. I gave the money to my mom and she will be handling the billing payments. My sister sometimes gives some allowance for my mom but only for my mom. I see to it that my mom will not stress about financial of our family. I am happy that I help them in terms of financial.

  53. Here in Romania it’s usually the other way around and it is accepted and known that it’s women who usually wear the financial pants in the family. In my case, I am a bit more concerned (read: obsessed) with our finances and saving and such and my wife rarely bothers to look at our budgets and expenses. Fortunately, she’s a made-by-nature not-big-spender :)) So it’s all good, in the end 🙂

  54. I do the investing, budgeting, etc., but mainly because I enjoy that. Jen does an awesome job when I’m in the field or deployed. We keep each other up to date on financial matters, have joint accounts across the board, and realize we’re a financial team!

  55. I definitely wear the pants – Dad was happy to give me control when we got married, since it’s something that he just didn’t think about. Luckily, he is a natural saver, but he had over 50k in his *checking* account when we got married….. We work together on defining our goals and limitations, but he leaves me to figuring out the details of how to meet those goals.

  56. I’m the financial person and I used to resent the fact that my husband wasn’t more involved. I am just coming to realize it is who I am… and not who his is. I also like knowing what all is going on….I wouldn’t say control….my hubby night though!

    If he was in charge of the finances I would ask 20 questions and that would drive him crazy!

  57. I 100% do. Like you, I consult on big stuff but my husband really has little idea about the day-to-day management or how much I put on debt. He’s fine with just letting me be and I’ll come to him if/when I need him. Works fine for us.

  58. This makes me cringe a bit. I hate sexist attitudes like this! Ideally, both members of the couple would be equally invested (no pun intended) in the family finances but that’s not realistic because it just doesn’t interest some people. It doesn’t matter if the member that it DOES interest is male or female.

  59. I control the finances now. My wife use to, but I realized that it was stressing her out like crazy. That’s when I became a student of finance and started learning. Since then, I have noticed a trend with my friends. When the wife controls the money, it seems to stress her out. When the husband controls the money, the wife seems to be more at peace. This may just be among my friends, since I know some women definitely enjoy controlling the money and they are great at it, but for whatever reason, my friends prefer for their husbands to do it…in general. This was a great article. I liked it! 🙂

  60. I love this! I don’t even think I could ever be with a guy who thought giving me a flipping allowance would be acceptable. WTF? It’s not 1950.

    I actually came over here today to hunt for some of your credit card rewards articles because I wanted to link to them for a post I wrote for next week where I referred to you as the Queen of Credit Card Rewards… so the picture on this post made me laugh my butt off.

  61. I wear the pants, but thats only because my wife looks really good in a skirt. But seriously, I do most of the money stuff, and we make big decisions together. I would like it if she were more interested, but finance and that sort of thing really isn’t her jazz. She’s happy as long as we’re saving a little bit and not drowning in debt. I don’t give her an allowance, just like she doesn’t give me one. It’s our money, and we are able to spend it. But, since we both realize that it’s a combination of funds received from our labors, we consult eachother with most spending purchases. I just consider that to be good communication 🙂

  62. I think it’s interesting how many commenters identify as control-freaks. No judgement! I would totally say the same about myself 🙂

    It’s been a big journey for me to loosen control, trust in my partner, and for us to really create shared visions of our money. I like being in control and I like knowing about every penny that gets spent, but I also want to be able to close my eyes or hand over the reins and know my other half can pull his weight and keep us on track.

    Thanks for such an interesting post 🙂

  63. I definitely control all the finances and can’t imagine it any other way. My wife seems to like it this way as well since she knows me enough to know I will make sure we are on track and she doesn’t have to worry about it.

    When I occasionally try and share our milestones and situation with her she either doesn’t care(which drives me crazy) or responds with “wow were doing great lets spend some money”(which drives me crazy). So I tend to share big achievements with my financially savvy friends more than my wife or complete strangers on the web:-)

    1. I wouldn’t tell her either! =) Just be vague and tell her things are going “fine!”

  64. I do the day to day stuff being the stay at home dad. But the big stuff is jointly shared which it should be. I’m not going to purchase a new car without my wife’s knowledge (although I have a secret fetish to do that as a surprise for her one day…you know like the Lexus with a bow commercials at Christmas).

  65. I currently wear the financial pants since I live on my own and I’m not married! But, even when I do become married, I can’t fathom why I wouldn’t have an active part in our finances. I really want to be a team when I’m married and I would hate to not know what’s going or be in charge of making sure some of things are getting paid. Okay, maybe I would like to wear some pants, lol.

  66. ME. On both the big and small stuff. We talk about the big stuff but we both ultimately know I’m better at, well, all the boring grown up things in life, finances included.

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