Sorry Kids, We’re Broke: 4 Reasons to Live Like You’re Poor

Are you scared your kids might become spoiled brats? Sounds like it's time for you to live like you're poor and adopt a frugal lifestyle. Here's why!

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If you have kids, you’ve probably reached the conclusion that they are incredibly expensive.  After all, you have to provide them with food, clothing, and everyday essentials, in addition to the really expensive stuff- like daycare, shelter, and healthcare.

And as they get older, it only gets worse.  Instead of wanting a clown at their birthday party, they start wanting expensive game consoles, designer clothes and shoes, and even a smartphone.  And it doesn’t stop once they get to high school, because then you have to start planning for college and weddings, and even the prospect of grandkids.  Yikes.

4 Reasons Act Like You’re Poor

Geez, kids can consume a lot of your resources.  Fortunately, we all know that there are plenty of ways to keep the growing costs of our reproductive choices in check.  Think about it.  Kids may want fancy clothes, but do they need them?  No.  They may want a pool in the backyard, but is it necessary?  No.  They may even ask for $200 shoes at some point, and that might just be your defining moment.  Why?  Because the really smart parents are the ones who explain to their children that those flashy Jordan’s (Are those still popular?) just aren’t in the budget this month.

And no, I don’t mean that you should tell your kids that you’re broke when you’re really not.  That would be a lie.

Instead, I’m simply suggesting that we should all live a frugal lifestyle in order to save money for the things that are really important.

Want to know more?  Here are 4 reasons it pays to live like you’re poor when you have kids:

You Set Low Expectations

We’ve all seen that crazy show “My Super Sweet Sixteen” on MTV, right?  I would really like to know WTF happened there.  Obviously those kids have huge expectations for their stupid birthday parties, and it’s likely because they’ve been spoiled their whole lives.  Instead of setting the bar so high, consider setting it low.  Real low.  If you set it low enough, your kids will learn to be happy with less.

Your Kids Learn Not to Tie Their Self-Esteem to Material Possessions

When kids don’t always get the expensive toys their friends do, they have to define themselves in other ways.  In other words, their self-worth doesn’t get wrapped up into what they have and don’t have, or trying to compete with their friends.

The benefit of living like you’re poor can also extend into their adult lives as well.  Kids who have grown up without everything handed to them might be more likely to live within their means once they reach adulthood.  At the very least, they won’t know what it’s like to constantly fill their lives with more and more stuff.

You Can Save for More Experiences

This is what life should be about!
This is what life should be about!

My parents took us on an annual vacation when I was growing up, and I still have so many memories from those trips.  I remember playing in the ocean all day with my cousins and my siblings, and the carefree wonder I felt when we arrived.  On the other hand, I don’t have memories of any of the crap they bought me.  Not a single one.

I desperately want my kids to have the kinds of memories I had in childhood.  I want them to feel the sun on their faces as they try something new, and the wind in their hair as they embark on a new adventure.  And that’s what a frugal lifestyle can mean to your children.  It can mean having memories and experiences that will last a lifetime which, in my opinion, is far more valuable than stuff.

You Can Save for the Important Stuff

Still, living a frugal lifestyle means much more than having money to go on trips.  It can also mean having the extra cash to stash away for the important stuff, specifically college.  I can’t tell you how many people I know who shower their kids with expensive gifts yet fail to save anything for their higher education.  Saving something meaningful for your children’s college will mean so much more than those designer shoes or those stupid Beats by Dre headphones.

4 Tools to Live Rich While Acting Poor

Want to live like you’re rich while still acting like you’re poor? Here are 4 tools to help you do just that!

  • Personal Capital – Personal Capital is our all-time favorite money management tool. Wanna know the best part? It’s FREE! Track your net worth, monitor all your investments, search for hidden fees, use the retirement calculator, and track your spending all in one place. Click here to open your FREE Personal Capital Account today!
  • CIT Bank – Tired of earning next to nothing on your savings account? Try opening a high yield savings account with CIT Bank! While many banks are offering 0.01% on your savings, CIT’s current money market rate sits at over 100x more. And since you only need $100 to open an account, it seems like kind of a no-brainer. Follow the link to read our complete review.
  • Use Points and Miles – When it’s time to splurge on those meaningful experiences, be sure you take advantage of points and miles. Over the last 3 years, we’ve made about 30 international and domestic trips all for pennies on the dollar. It’s all been possible using points and miles. And, if you need help planning your points strategy, we’ll help you for free. Learn more about our FREE rewards advice here!

The Bottom Line

The truth is, kids don’t really need a lot.  They need to eat, of course, and they need a roof over their head.  They occasionally need new clothes and stuff for school.  Almost anything above and beyond that is optional.  And more than that, living a frugal lifestyle, or “pretending you’re poor” can mean more savings for the things that are really important.  And if you play your cards right, your kids might actually appreciate it one day.

What are the benefits of living a frugal lifestyle in your eyes?  Do you see anything wrong with pretending that you’re poor?

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93 Comments

  1. “And no, I don’t mean that you should tell your kids that you’re broke when you’re really not. That would be a lie.”

    Ummm….I’m pretty sure we’ve done this before 😉

      1. I love this because entitlement is probably not a good way to learn how to navigate life! Learning how to take care of yourself within your means is…..

  2. I am so going to share this with my family because they really seem to Thnk stuff = love. But I agree with you – I don’t have memories of the stuff my parents bought. I have memories of our experiences and conversations.

    I’m worried about future generations. Student loan debt has become almost a national crisis before the time of the “sweet sixteen” blowouts. How much worse will it get as parents blow all their money on crap, but can’t afford to contribute at all to higher education?

    1. I don’t know, but I feel sorry for all the kids who have to borrow so much for their education.

      1. OK but parents need not sacrifice there own retirement and future to pay for kids education maybe help out a little….

  3. I’m going to tell my kids they have a choice between material items or get a college education. Of course if they choose material items than I’ll put them up for adoption

  4. I love this post. We don’t have kids (yet) but I’m the same – I want to create memories, not give them lots of things that clutter up the house. I want to give them my time and company, not plastic tat they can live without 🙂

    1. Toys are mostly junk anyway. They never last! My kids would rather play with paper, tape, glue, and scissors. They make some crazy stuff.

  5. My dad actually gave me similar advice regarding the engagement ring I bought my wife. “Her expectations will only go up from here!” 🙂

    1. I think that’s great advice =) Diamonds are such a waste of money anyway.

  6. I don’t see anything wrong with keeping certain financial information from the kids. It’s fine if they believe there is no money available for stuff they would like. Quite frankly it’s none of their business how much money the family has and it’s not their decision on how it gets used. Only once they reach adulthood (college age) should the details begin to be shared in full.

    1. I may not even share our financial details when our kids are adults. My parents never really shared with me.

      1. I was very blessed as a kid growing up. My dad would cash his check, bring it home, then my mom had an envelope system. I helped her count out the money for emergencies, rent, water, electric , car loan, food,gas and savings. i learned very early that necessities were paid first. i realized that there was little money for luxuries. i also went with my mom to pay the bills. At that time she didn’t like checking accounts and didn’t have or want a credit card. I learned what a receipt was, as well. I remember we couldn’t afford a phone and used our neighbors instead. My mom had a huge garden in the summer and they bartered services….. My clothes were from yard sales and second -hand places. I had a collection of books to read, because our second -hand place had a book swap and the library was very close. My mom was able to purchase a home, because we live from my dad’s paycheck and saved my mom’s. So I think that you can share some info about money with children- asa learning experience. I still use much or the same strategies today.

  7. We live in a nice neighborhood so we are constantly having “teaching” lessons with my son and why we make the choices we make that are different from our neighbors. We tell him all the time about making “smart” choices rather than “stupid” ones like some of the people in our town. And I don’t feel bad about telling him no and teaching him these lessons because it’s true, he does not need “stuff” he just needs our time and energy.

    1. I don’t feel bad telling my kids “no” either. I never have.

  8. I grew up in a blue collar, working class household, and I turned out totally fine, so I’m hoping for the same with my daughter 🙂 We spend money on experiences since we love to travel, and I hope that those will be fond memories for her someday. I hope she can feel like, well I may not have had the most expensive clothes/shoes/toys, but I experienced some amazing places.

    1. My kids have really nice things- they are all just second-hand. They don’t know the difference….yet!

  9. My parents were far from broke but they were never materialistic, always experience focused. Now, thankfully, I have the same values. Those memories of playing on the beach or in the lake or at camp are far greater than any piece of technology I’ve ever owned.

  10. Yes, Jordan’s are still extremely expensive and super popular. To make matters worse, they keep bringing out “retro” styles…your old favorites are probably on the shelf right now. 🙂 I have a 13 yr old who plays basketball like a junkie (park & rec, school and travel) so I am all too familiar with the cost of shoes. I actually keep a category in my budget just for “sports” but I must admit…while it makes me cry to buy him shoes, he is on honor roll, is incredibly well behaved for a 13 yr old boy, asks for nothing else and I am hoping that it will keep him off the streets as he gets older.
    And, I am banking on a career in the NBA and keep a running tally of what he owes me. Ha ha!

  11. I hope to do this with our children! I agree that in the long run experiences and memories stay with you much longer than stuff, and I too want our children to feel that. And they totally won’t be able to if we blow all our money on crap!

  12. Awesome post, Holly. We work very hard to do the same with our kids. Yes, they still want stuff, but they want financial independence more. They have an appreciation for responsibility and for experiences. So far, it’s working!

  13. I think this mentality helps kids grow in character in a way that material things deprive them of. They’ll learn money lessons, including how to save and how to get motivated to make their own money (not rely on their parents).

  14. I grew up with a single mom and she didn’t have much money, so we did lead a very frugal lifestyle. For our birthdays, we would always get something we wanted (a toy, movie, etc) and then something we needed (a new pair of shoes, our only ones for the year, etc). We are very independent now, and both were financially independent at 18. Being frugal – by necessity, but still – was a great lesson for the both of us.

    1. We had to be frugal because my mom stayed home with us. Being a one-income family meant that we didn’t have a lot of extra money. It never felt like it though.

  15. Part of why my sister and I make so much money is because our parents didn’t make a whole lot. We much prefer being upper-middle-class.

    My in-laws shower our kids with so much, it’s insane. We spent yesterday trying to think of things that DC2 needs so we could suggest them as birthday presents so we wouldn’t end up with (once again) more toys than she can play with. (In fact, she needs exactly zero toys, because there’s still leftover toys that DC1 never played with at that age!) So we won’t be able to truly act like we’re broke or lower income than we are. I don’t want to say poor, because poor is very different than able to afford food and shelter and clothes.

    But I like to think that we’re still teaching frugality. How to make choices based on budget constraints and quality. How to determine time versus effort trade-offs (we could redo our own bathroom, but our time is more valuable, so we hire someone who has comparative advantage). And it’s easier to be frugal when you put away large portions of your income for retirement and college and other forced savings before you even see that money.

    Still, no massive sweet 16 parties here. We have a comfortable life, but not an extravagant one.

    1. I know exactly what you mean about trying to come up with gift ideas. I have a few family members who send money for their college funds which is really helpful. I never know what to tell anyone else. They already have a lot and they play with most of their toys. They don’t really need clothes, or books, or shoes. We appreciate anything they are given but it’s hard to suggest something they “need” when they truly need nothing.

      1. We came up with… a beach towel of her own, size 8 shoes (she’s currently size 7), magic ink coloring books that won’t mark up the walls if she colors outside the book, dresses, the Frozen soundtrack, Leapfrog DVDs… It’s really hard because they spend literally $500/kid on each kid for each of birthday and Christmas. Of course, with DC1 we didn’t get a choice at all about what they bought, but now that they have 5 grandkids instead of just the one, they don’t seem to have as big a need to pick everything out themselves. My parents will spend $50/per mostly on books, which seems both generous and reasonable to me, and my sister will spend $10-$80 depending on what hits her fancy since she shops by the present rather than by dollar value.

        We don’t buy any presents at all. But we do contribute to college funds. (We also contribute to college funds of relatives’ kids.)

        1. Those all sound like good ideas. My go-to is usually art supplies. Both of my kids will craft the day away if you let them. And you just gave me a new idea- their own beach towel. Never would have thought of that one.

          1. Art supplies are why our walls are currently covered with drawings (not on paper, mind you, directly on the wall). And the occasional bed-sheet.

          2. LeRainDrop says:

            The beach towel really is a great one. When my brother and I were little, we each got our own special one — mine was a huge watermelon, and his was Red Sox themed — and we kept and used those things for decades! Seriously, decades.

          3. That really is a great idea =)

  16. ha ha ha! I had to laugh at Greg’s comment! 🙂 I could see the benefit of doing that. Lead by example is the simple way of putting it. I wonder how Sting’s children are doing after they found out they would not be getting an inheritance. I mean it’s one thing if they lived super frugally and THEN they were told no inheritance, but after probably living a lavish lifestyle their whole life, I wonder if it will come as a shock.

    1. Our kids are 3 and 5 so they don’t really understand the difference between not having any money and choosing not to buy something. I’ve told them that we don’t have the money many times!

  17. Great post Holly! I don’t see anything wrong at all with living like you’re poor, especially when you have kids. We can make it so simple to think that having more stuff equates to being happy or having more worth when it’s just not the case. I think it’s also important to model those frugal habits so they can see you as the parent live it out. We’re big on saving for experiences in our family. We work hard, so we want to be able to enjoy those times together where work isn’t thought of and enjoy time together as a family. Those create memories that will last much longer than another new toy.

    1. I agree. I think I’m also at an advantage because I really, truly do not like new stuff. I don’t like taking care of it or finding a place for it in my home.

  18. I don’t have kids yet, but I also rather share experiences and memories with them than buy them meaningless stuff.

    My parents didn’t give me much because they were actually broke, but I have a lot of great memories from the times that we shared together on either vacations or just on overall experiences. I remember I had a G.I. Joe but I can’t tell you what he looked like. I can, however, tell you about that time I went to Samana (a beach in Dominican Republic) with my dad when I was 7 years old.

    1. Awww….that’s sweet! I love those kinds of memories. My parents used to take us camping with the extended family and I have a ton of memories from that.

  19. We’ve been in debt repayment mode for the last 4 years and our 3 kids have survived! It’s been a great lesson for them to delay pleasure and value little things like going to the beach or park, playing a board game as a family.

  20. Ben @ The Wealth Gospel says:

    Great post! We didn’t grow up with much, mostly because my parents were broke. But my wife struggles sometimes because her parents weren’t. She’s frugal by nature but always thinks that other people judge her because we don’t have matching decor or a thousand outfits to choose from.

    1. Ugh! I’m sure she’ll realize that no one cares at a certain point.

  21. There is something to be said for your advice. My parents were rich and successful and I did not know it until I was an adult. I remember my parents always saying, you do not need this or that. They survived and even thrived during the Great Depression. No complaints! I think their attitude has helped me thrive too.

  22. Great post! We don’t have kids yet, but as we prepare for them, we want to keep our frugal wits about us. I see friends spending thousands to outfit nurseries and I just cannot understand why they’re not instead investing that money for their kids’ education, as you suggest. Thank you for this great rundown of what really matters to kids and to a family!

  23. At 7, our daughter is starting to get that if we pass on buying stupid crap, we get to go on awesome trips. If she does want something we don’t want to get, we tell her to save her money. Funny thing is when she gets money, she usually doesn’t want to spend it. We actually opened up a bank account for her this week. She has the little deposit slips and everything. If I could only curtail the granny, we’d be set!

    1. I hope my kids “get it” too one day. Right now they are just too young to understand trade-offs like that.

  24. Love it, and definitely agree with the first two. My parents set the bar low (though they actually didn’t have much money), and as a result, I’m pretty content with the simple things in life. They spoiled me occasionally, but it was never a big to-do. Because I’m fine with the simple things, I never really tied my self-esteem to possessions. There were a few jealous moments in high school, but those passed, and I’m so much better for it! I’m really glad I learned the value of frugality when I was younger.

  25. I have a huge issue with lying to your children about being broke. I realized after reading a couple paragraphs you weren’t suggesting that, so I’m relieved haha. I heard “we can’t afford that” way too many times in my childhood without an explanation. I mean, almost my whole life we were a dual-income family and my dad was/is a phd chemist. Instead of explaining “well, we want to save for you and your brother and sister’s college because it’s a priority” I really got no explanation. I definitely think there is value in living a frugal lifestyle, though, as long as it’s combined with clear communication to children as to why you choose to do that.

    1. Ha! I bet you were mad at me for a minute there!

      I give my kids the explanation that we are saving for their future, but I’m not sure they understand what that means yet. They are only 3 and 5. I’m sure it will make much more sense when they are older.

  26. I have a stepson and whenever he asks us for something, we usually ask him why does he want or need it? Sometimes the reasons are hilarious and some are quite clever but whenever we do tell him no, he is disappointed but usually gets over it pretty quickly. We don’t lie that we are broke because that isn’t the reality. We just choose to show him that it’s about not needing to have everything that you want.

  27. I gotta say, I like setting low expectations. When expectations are low, it’s hard to be disappointed. We didn’t have much when we were growing up so a minor splurge was met with excitement when other kids that had been spoiled would not have even blinked or been impressed at all.

    1. I agree. Expectations are so low at my house that my kids get excited when they get a popsicle. I like it!

  28. I often pretend I’m poor to avoid getting invitations to go out with friends to expensive bars and restaurants.

    1. So do I! I have sincere fear of missing out sometimes but I will pretend I am broke so I can save my money for travel, lol.

  29. I prefer to be “selfish” with my money rather than live like we’re poor. I’m not afraid to spend my money if i get an appropriate amount of value out of the purchase. We try to teach our kids to make wise purchases.

  30. This is such a good post. I’ve said it before, if/when I have kids I’m really wealthy, I don’t want them to know. I don’t want them to worry about money or feel anxious we’re going broke, but I want them to know that money isn’t something that can just get thrown at things willy nilly.

    My sisters live with my mum who’s on government support, and she’s constantly trying to buy them stuff she can’t afford, e.g. $200 for my sister to get her hair dyed. She thinks she’s being nice by giving them what they want, but I actually think she’s teaching them REALLY bad financial habits that will hinder them later in life.

    I grew up poor and the majority of my childhood is sprinkled with great memories of experiences, there are a few hardships in there, but they are character building. Kids don’t need a lot – they might want it, but they don’t need it.

  31. I think yall do a great job with your girls!! It’s such a hard balance – wanting to give your kids everything but knowing that giving them everything will make them spoiled lol.

  32. Good on you for passing your financial values to your kids, Holly. We are hoping to do the same, but will kind of be winging it. Neither of our parents taught us that much, or that overtly, about money. But it’s good that we have some parent FI bloggers like you to copy off of. 🙂

  33. We have 5 young adult kids between the ages of 23 and 28. So, I could write a book on this subject. This post might resemble a book. You might be able to tell that I am passionate about teaching kids to live frugally.

    From the time they were little, they got what they needed, but had to work for what they wanted. We wouldn’t buy them gaming consoles until DDR came out (exercise instead of sitting) and one kid sold the most magazines in the school fund drive and won a Playstation. They did get a book from B&N for a reward for a good report card.

    At Christmas, they got 3 presents because Baby Jesus got 3 presents. (Aunts and uncles did give them TONS of toys. So, Santa was no biggy until they were older.)

    Hubby got transferred to a coastal town in Connecticut 500 miles away from grandparents just as they were starting school, so we spent summers on the town beach. School vacations were to see grandparents. We also have a commuter train to New York in our town. Kids under 12 rode for $1 round trip. So, our kids didn’t feel deprived going to museums and Broadway shows while they were growing up. We did a lot of free stuff too… the public library, Shakespeare in the park, etc.

    Once they were tweens, we started to travel more as a family and used points and miles. Sometimes we took Grandma along instead of another school vacation going to see her. Still mostly in the US and Canada.

    In high school, we had a policies:
    We paid for each kid to take a trip abroad.
    They started taking SATs in middle school and worked with a coach to get their scores up. Scholarship money was very attached to SAT scores for their generation. (It worked for us. Collectively, high SATs saved us ~$180,000 between 5 kids in scholarship $, not counting the kid who went to a top-ranked public univ in another country that was the same $ as going in-state to the local univ. Her perfect SATs got her in.)
    They had to take as many AP courses as they could manage to get “free” college credits.
    They had to work on the rental houses that were their “college fund.”
    We did mandatory financial management family seminars.

    College:
    We paid for room, board, tuition, books, one big trip and a year abroad. They had a budget for clothes, coats, shoes, boots, etc. I put them on my credit card so they got my excellent credit score and I got miles for book purchases, etc. They had to work to make pocket money and keep a 3.0 GPA for us to keep paying. They got out debt-free (they thank us OFTEN).

    Post-Grad:
    Everyone is self-supporting. We help a little here and there. But they all live on their own (no boomerangs) and keep a roof over their own little heads… and actually have emergency savings and stock accts. (sniff. They listened.) The oldest is buying his first house (a fixer-upper in an up and coming neighborhood that should result in instant equity when he’s done). They all play the points and miles game to some degree.

    The last few years, we’ve sponsored more family trips since none of us live in the same state anymore. This Christmas we are all 8 of us (one significant other in the mix now) going for 8 nights to the Hyatt Regency Huntington Beach (on points) and getting there on miles.

    1. Hey, it sounds like you did everything right. You should be proud!!!!! I’m sure my parents are proud that all three of their kids are self-supporting too.

  34. I couldn’t agree more Holly! We recently attended the birthday party for a six year old girl and it was OVERTHETOP. My mind was actually blown at how much time. money and effort went into this party. What happened to games and pizza at home?! There is simply no way I will have these lavish parties for our kid, she’ll only expect more. It was insane!

  35. I really agree with this Holly. As an only child, I sincerely had a ton of crap and now I look back on it and shudder. Sure, it was great being able to have a ton of things but I much rather would have had an actual vacation with my parents or money for college when I graduated. When I have children, I plan on saving most purchases for their birthdays or Christmas, and teaching them how to earn money via an allowance. I don’t have kids yet but I will disown them if they become hoarders. Or at least declutter when they aren’t looking. 😉

  36. I would also add that you can teach them to work for the things they want. Want $200 shoes? Explain that as a family, we don’t spend money like that. However, if they would like to mow the yard for the summer, you’d be happy to pay them in shoes.

  37. I appreciate living like I’m poor. A number of years ago I was laid off at a job and had to rely on unemployment checks to keep me afloat until I could find something new. During that time I really did live like I couldn’t afford things because, my expenses were higher than what income I had at the time. But once I found a job I didn’t go back to my old habits, I found that while I was unemployed I was perfectly happy with my lifestyle. I didn’t think I was missing anything (although my diet wasn’t healthy, that was one thing that changed). So when I had a fresh new income stream I kept living like I was poor, now I save a lot more for my future than I would ever would have before I was unemployed. If you live in certain situations for a while you adjust, that’s the great thing about being human.

  38. Even though it is just my husband and I, we like to experience live and travel vs. spending money. That in itself usually keeps us from spending money that we don’t have on things we don’t need.

  39. It seems in this era of “Tiger Moms” and “helicopter parents” that keeping up with the Jones’ has turned into a keeping up with the Jones’ kids with parents competing at how many events / sports / activities their children have, and if they have the latest clothes, gadgets or knick knacks.

    Having been raised by a single mother, getting my new clothes at Kmart once a year before school started, I know the value of a dollar, and my children will also.

    As has been said here and many times before, it’s not about spending, it’s about spending wisely. And the majority of people in our consumer society are spending poorly. Very very poorly.

    Every so often I watch mainstream TV and am reminded of the movie Idiocracy…

  40. It’s not bad to give your children something expensive but not always. You should know how to limit it. You should explain very well to kids why you should not always get an expensive thing and don’t ever pretend that you are poor. Just explain to them and let them understand your situations that there are more need to spend than a material thing. Thanks for sharing your article.

  41. What our daughter will get: regular clothing (quality, but not Prada), sport lessons, bike, toys etc. She’ll eat healthy and exercise alot with us. We do plan on spending more on travel, so that she’ll have MEMORIES and EXPERIENCES. Ideally she’d go skiing in winter and at the sea in the summer, together with other smaller vacations (day trips or city-breaks).

  42. Have you ever seen that show Rich Kids of Beverly Hills? Ridiculous! Even if I had all of the money in the world, I wouldn’t give my card an unlimited Amex…..there’s still something to be said for hard work and making your own way in the world!

  43. Lisa E. @ Lisa vs. the Loans says:

    This is exactly why I intend to be transparent about finances with my future kids. I want them to have low expectations so that they can be satisfied, hell, happy with less!

  44. Great post, Holly! We live on the Upper East Side, so we’re swimming upstream, but have managed to keep expectations low. In fact, after the holiday season last year, we referred to our son as “Charlie Bucket” for getting excited about an umbrella and new sheets! Lol…

  45. My parents did this when I was growing up. I have a vivid memory of DYING for a Swatch watch (wow – that really dates me!), and my parents insisting that trendy things were a waste of money. Torture!! 🙂

    I’m amazed at how early the materialism starts. I try to plan all of my Target trips without my 4 1/2 year old daughter, so I can skip the “princess aisle” and all the begging that accompanies it.

  46. Great piece, Holly! I’ve seen some of your comments on MMM and perhaps elsewhere. Nice job making it on Rockstar Finance. I used to catch pieces of that Sweet 16 dumpster fire of a show and watch silly parents scramble to get the kid a sports car to go along with the outrageous party…it was fascinating! With a 3 year old daughter of my own…it’s a delicate balance. Again…great work here.

    1. Thanks so much!

      Yeah, that show was a train wreck and pretty sad if you think about it. When you’re handed things like that your whole life, what do you have to look forward to as an adult? I personally found a lot of satisfaction out of growing up and earning enough to buy a nice house and take care of my family. I would hate to rob my children of that feeling of accomplishment by never letting them sacrifice and earn something on their own.

  47. I don’t feel like I need to pretend that I am poor, I am poor having lots of debt and not being financially independent! Some time in the distant future when my assets generate more income than my expenses, then I won’t be poor. 🙂

  48. I love setting the expectations low. Then when we do give them something or do something special, it’s a treat and they appreciate it. It helps them be careful with their money too.

    Our kids (2, 4, 6) also know that our primary financial goal right now is to “pay for daddy’s law school.” They know that we make sacrifices now so that we can pay for our student loans. They’re totally cool with that.

  49. Thank you so much for this post Holly! I am constantly telling my clients, friends, and family this same lesson. You nailed it!

    I recently wrote a book that complements many of the ideas expressed in your blog. If you’re interested in reading it (and possibly reviewing it on your blog), I’ll gladly mail you a free copy. I can also give you an extra free copy to give away to your readers. The book is called Outsmarting the System. Throughout the book, I share the lessons I learned as an IRS Agent and teach people how to outsmart the system in the same ways as the rich. Please let me know if you’re interested. Keep up the good work!

  50. I don’t think it’s wrong to live a frugal lifestyle even if you have enough money to buy anything you want. I personally think it’s an awesome thing to do. 🙂

  51. Richard Buse says:

    Thanks for sharing this. I just turned 57 and the older I get, the more grateful I am I was raised by working class parents who faced financial pressures but abhorred the idea of taking on any debt beyond the mortgage. Yes, there were disappointments and I was aware of children who got more things than me, but I learned to get by with less and to be happy with less. I assimilated lessons for properly aligning values, priorities and spending decisions. I’m also grateful my Dad is still with me and that I’ve been able to thank him numerous times for what he taught me.

  52. I have a kid on the way (my wife is due in April!) and I know it’s going to be a challenge balancing giving them everything they want & need and keeping them from getting spoiled and entitled. I mean, I’m not going to give them everything they demand! I want them to appreciate the things and experiences they do have!

  53. Mommy jhy | www.myfavoritelists.com says:

    I agree with all your points! Our kids are aware that we can afford stuff but they also know that we don’t have to buy things just because we can.

  54. I agree that setting the bar low is key! They also won’t be shocked when they leave home that the cush life is gone.

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