A few days ago, I got some awesome news that I couldn’t wait to share. Apparently, Toyota Motors is seriously interested in my 2009 Toyota Prius as a trade-in and is willing to pay top dollar.

Even better, they want to upgrade me to a brand new 2015 Prius for – get this – only $20,988. And not only that, but they’re willing to let me pay on that baby for up to 72 months. 72 months!!!!!!!!!!!!


It’s like a dream come true – like they read my mind. In some crazy twist of fate, Toyota got the memo that I wanted to pay a car payment until 2021 – the year my now five-year-old will turn twelve. Sometimes I just want to pinch myself. Is this a dream?

Obviously, I’m kidding. I hate paying for anything, let alone a new car that will only get driven once or twice a week. And we all know I absolutely hate car payments – even car payments at 0% interest.


Because I don’t like feeling like I am beholden to anyone, because I hate paying bills, and because I am a bad-ass, debt-hating freedom avenger. That’s why.

Save your credit for other things?

Save your credit for other things?

More Horrific Advice in my Mailbox

Some of the offers I get in the mail are so ridiculous that they literally make me laugh out loud. Take this Montgomery Ward mailer I got a few days ago, for example. Not only is the neon orange quite off-putting, but this brochure is so full of bad advice that it’s laughable. Let’s start with the front.

“You’re pre-approved. Buy now – pay later.”

Nope. But it gets worse. “Save your credit cards for other things,” it says.

Save your credit card for other things? Like what? Shopping sprees in other shitty catalogs? Nope.

Open the cover and it goes from bad to worse. After another spiel on how I’m all pre-approved and what-not, it says this:

“Monthly Payment Plan. Buy now and pay later. Pay as little as $20 a month. Order again, and your payments may not even increase.”

So let me get this straight. I can buy one pink and leopard print queen bedding set for only $20 a month, then buy another one without raising my payment? Is it my birthday or something? {insert sarcasm here}

Thanks, assholes!

Thanks, assholes!

Bath & Body Works, Seriously?

More horrific advice came straight from this Bath & Body Works mailer a few days later. But in this case, I was more offended than horrified.

It says:

“Our Gift To You: $10 Off Any $30 Purchase”

I immediately wondered if Bath & Body Works knew what a “gift” really was because I’m pretty sure making me pay $20 for $30 worth of overpriced whore-scent is not one.


Newsflash: A coupon is not a gift; it’s an invitation to spend money. I love a good sale and all, but damn, don’t call it a gift.

Horrific Financial Advice In My Mailbox

If I took all of the horrific advice in my mailbox and ran with it, I would pretty much be screwed. Fortunately, I’m able to see all of the mailers I receive for what they are – crap. And I know the vast majority of my readers are just as savvy as I am – able to weed through the bullshit marketing gimmicks to find real deals on things we actually need in our lives.

As far as I’m concerned, they can just keep these mailers coming. The cheesier, the better. At the very least, they’re good for a laugh.

Have you gotten any horrific financial advice in the mail lately?


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